THE NEW RIGHT Political birdspotters guide

The Revised Political Birdspotters Guide

INTRODUCING a new three-headed bird, Nova dexterius. Each head can claim the status of a distinct species. Peculiar habits, warning and mating cries give them curiosity value. There is much speculation about whether this bird will successfully breed and multiply.

New Right (Nova dexterius).

Origin: Recent.

Habitat: Western industrial free enterprise economies.

Background: Migration from consensus politics. Breeds most prolifically in selfish surroundings or unstable, fast-changing environment. Can easily be confused with the much more common conservativus, but its distinguishing characteristic is its preferment of dry country. Many conservativi are more comfortable when wet. Nova dexterius is quite rare due to its quaint mating cries and strange nesting behaviour (destroying much of its life-support environment in the curious belief that something better will grow).

Geographical distribution: Australian Fraserorius variety now forced into hibernation. New Zealand brother species (Muldoonus) small portly, confusingly close to conservativus. Recently arrived is a Washington subspecies, which has migrated from the Sun Belt, is aged and slow-thinking. Experts disagree about its true classification because monetarius aspect (large government over-spending) not truly consistent. British and German varieties look strongest. Female of the species known for particularly raucous mating cries.

Footnote: Immature species spotted in Canada and elsewhere in mainland Europe, too indistinct yet to recognise whether they display Nova dexterius plumage, mating cries and behaviour or whether they are simply other conservativi variety.

Names of the three species (from left to right) which make up Nova dexterius with their mating, warning and other cries:

1. The LAISSEZ-FAIRE
(Privatisator monetarius)

‘Too many meddling bureaucrats - get government off the back of business’

‘Cut welfare payments - they’re just feather-bedding the lazy and workshy’

‘Privatise the nationalised industries and reap the benefits of the free market’

‘Cut taxes’

2. The Greater NATIONALISM
(Vaingloriosa falklandiae / grenadiae / quebeci etc. according to terrain)

‘The greatest threat to our country is Soviet Communist expansionism’

‘My country, right or wrong

‘Make our country great again’

‘I’m not ashamed to hold my head high and say I’m proud to be an American, Australian’ (substitute country as required)

3. The Moor SOCIAL CONTROL
(Lorandorda lorandorda)

‘Send all the immigrants home’

‘Too many fancy and subversive ideas in school - kids should be trained for jobs - they learn’

‘Hooligans should be horse-whipped and sent for a spell in the army’

‘Unions are holding the country to ransom’