Of all the magazines I have edited for New Internationalist so far, for me this issue - Indonesia - has brought out the most extreme emotions...

Optimism. Talking to activists in Indonesia, I got the impression that nothing is impossible. They have faced an oppressive military, a corrupt government and exploitative corporations and they have won remarkable victories. What's more amazing is that their defeats have not dulled the desire for change - the protests continue and the pressure they are exerting makes reform seem inevitable.

Terror. My visit to Aceh was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. In a place where you never know who is a spy and you know all too well who has the guns and the power, there is nowhere to turn and no-one to trust.

Awe. In the middle of this tense situation in Aceh, I became immensely excited on seeing an elephant out the car window. The taxi stopped and I walked through the jungle to find a baby elephant, only one-and-a half years old. Looking this elephant in the eye while its trunk sniffed and sucked at my skin is not an experience I'll forget. I was in a state of speechless awe for some time afterwards.

Hysterical laughter. Men in Indonesia often have very long fingernails. As I'd not really seen this before, I became a bit fixated about them. On a particularly boring taxi ride, I asked the driver why his nails were so long and why the thumbnail was shorter than the others. With great pride he told me the stories each of his fingernails, including (with moist eyes) the particularly tragic tale of how he broke this thumbnail. It was hilarious.

Frustration. I was unable to visit East Timor but instead watched developments from afar. Outrage summed up my usual response to news reports from the territory, commonly phrased in questions. Why was a deal made that gave the Indonesian military responsibility for security during the referendum? Why weren't peacekeepers brought in sooner? Why weren't the militias stopped?

In a way this myriad of emotions is a microcosm of Indonesia - the country is not only massive and diverse but is also undergoing fast and complex political change. I see the moves Indonesia has made towards reform - getting President Suharto to step down after 32 years, holding a free election, rallying tremendous popular support for democracy and peace. But I also see that Indonesia is still in the grip of a corrupt government and a powerful military. It's unreasonable to expect an immediate transition to democracy. As a Balinese man explained to a friend of mine: 'The Balinese believe each person has two sides of their brain: the good and the bad. Sometimes the good will be dominant and at other times the bad. But at all times you live with both sides.'

Power of protest
Starting a journey through Indonesia on the streets of the capital city, Jakarta, Anouk Ride discovers a restless nation demanding reform.

Good Citizen Sari
Just released from prison, leading labour activist Dita Sari speaks out.

Tree that grows money
Ex-President Suharto's $15-billion family tree.

Terrorizing the truth
In Aceh's hidden war, few can be trusted and even fewer can speak honestly about the bloody conflict.

INDONESIA - THE FACTS

Forest freedom
From the jungles of Kalimantan, indigenous voices cry out for the land they need to survive.

Breaking free from betrayal
Cheated by the best of the west, locals in Indonesia's eastern-most territory West Papua are seeking their own sovereignty.

Triumphant losers
The economic crisis plunged millions into poverty - but not into apathy, as a raucous meeting of poor people in Jakarta proves.

We will not be crushed
A message from East Timorese representative José Ramos Horta to the world.

Green light to the Generals
East Timor's descent into violence is tragic because it was forseen argues Anouk Ride.

ACTION

Letters
Letter from Lebanon
Update
The NI Interview with Margarita Males Guallosamín
Reviews: plus Martin Ritt classic
NI Crossword
Endpiece: by Horatio Morpurgo
Country profile: São Tomé and Príncipe

FRONT COVER PHOTO: STUDENTS ON THE ROOF OF INDONESIA'S PARLIMENT BY DOMINIQUE CLARISSE / FRANK SPOONER PICTURES.
MAGAZINE DESIGNED BY ALAN HUGHES
ONLINE MAG MAINTAINED BY SIMON LOFFLER